You Don't Get What You Deserve

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain

Sometimes you have days where you exclaim what a friend of mine puts succinctly as "thank goodness I didn't get what I deserved." Two events reminded that today was one of those days.

First, I had brunch (yes, brunch.. don't judge) with a great friend and former professor who had made a large contribution in functionally saving my life a few years ago when I was (hopefully) a much different person dealing with the consequences of making much worse decisions than I do now.

Though we don't get together as frequently now (my fault), some portion of the conversation are dedicated to updating him on what I am up to. Because these conversations act as snapshots of my current life, we both reflected on where I was when our friendship began and the path to where I am now. I was humbled and reminded of the fact that there were a lot of people from '08-'09 willing to see beyond the scared, angry kid I was and instead focus on my potential and help me move from the former to the latter.

The funny thing about memory is how much of the total situation falls away to the point where you recall only a few fragments (usually the ones that cause the smallest amount of emotional upset). The other funny thing is how all the details come rearing back in vivid detail simply through conversation with the people that were there.

As we wrapped up our conversation and departed from the restaurant, I took stock of where my life is now and what it was just a few years ago. All of my relationships are fantastic (at least they are for me), I am awash with more opportunities than someone my age should be getting and have made enough progress as a human such that there are slightly more people who have nice things to say about me behind my back than those who feel inclined to say otherwise. Considering all the selfish, hurtful things I've done in the past, I am thankful that I have not gotten the full brunt of what I deserve.

This is what I was thinking about when I stumbled upon this:


That's right, a free skateboard with about 8 skateboard decks underneath sitting right in front of my apartment building. Double. Winning.

Life has a funny way placing things into motion such that your life works out the way it does. Sometimes you miss a deadline by a few seconds or make a wrong turn or you decide to have some agency and overcome that fear of making a connection with someone. All the little inches in life put you in place to give you the hand you have today. Everything that didn't work out (both good and bad) is giving you everything that is working out (again, both good and bad). The free skateboard I got today after brunch is a function of a desperate email I sent in November 2008. I didn't deserve it, but I'll took it anyway.

Some people may say that Karma is a bitch but I think that she's a pretty decent gal. I'm sure that if we look over our lives we'll realize that we a got a decent amount of good stuff and avoided at least 10x of the bad stuff we deserved through the same channel: serendipity ...or fate, if you are so inclined.

In either case, be thankful. Life is short. Continuously performing gap-analysis and complaining about how things "should" be is not good stewardship of your life. But if you must do it, then at least acknowledge the negative consequences that could have very well played out to make the life you have now a blessing.

Internships vs. Starting a Small Business

***This is an article that I wrote for {Branded} Online Magazine. Feel free to cruise on over and check out the great writers contributing to the publication (there will be another link at the bottom of this post).

Today’s job market is fierce and in order to be competitive I find a lot of people my age are looking into internships as an experience-based stepping stone into their post-college job. Adding some “real world” experience to your resume as you are exiting college is great – which is why I am suggesting that you take that same six months and start a small business instead.

Most people initially get soft about this kind of possibility because they have some notion of entrepreneurs as swashbuckling risk-takers. Not only is this gravely inaccurate, it also prevents a lot of capable people from exploring the beauty of creating and being at risk to learn something about themselves. Starting and running a small business poses no more risk than an internship while delivering an experience that is an order of magnitude greater than working for free at CorporateAmerica.com.

Internship	Small Business
Conduct an internet search to find companies that might want to hire your skill set.	Conduct an internet search to find people/businesses that might want your product or service (coffee, cupcakes, car-detailing, etc.)
Reach to your personal network to find connections within potential companies that you want to intern at. Often you are cold-calling companies, asking for interviews.	Reach out to your personal network to find connections with potential customers that would find your product valuable. Often you are cold-calling sales leads out of the phone book, asking for meetings.
Face a lot of rejection, get a couple of interviews, face more rejection – maybe you get some offers.	Face a lot of rejection, get a couple of sales meetings, face more rejection – maybe you get offers for a second meeting.
Land a position (maybe).	Get a sale (eventually).
Work long hours for minimal or no pay.	Work long hours for minimal or no pay…at first.
You are the office bitch. No one cares about your feelings, just your ability to get coffee and bagels and occasionally be a spreadsheet jockey.	You are your customers’ bitch. No one cares about your feelings, just your ability to deliver a quality product on time and make things right when mistakes happen.
Build skills necessary to be a peon in a corporate machine and that the only way to be successful is to be politically astute enough to place your name on winning projects and subtly shift blame when things go wrong.	Build skills necessary to be a manager by applying all your “boring” undergrad classes that are now critical components to make the whole business work. If you don’t you will run out of money...fast.
Learn to appeal to authority and pull a lever.	Learn that you are more self-reliant than you originally thought. You experience ownership, working smart and creative problem solving on-demand.
Maybe you get offered a position at the end of the internship.	Maybe your company shuts down, maybe it succeeds, or maybe it sits somewhere in the middle. – the cool part is that you have much more say about the enterprise’s outcome.
Repeat. Try to explain to new employers why you didn’t get offered a position at the end of the internship.	Repeat. This time it’s easier because you avoid all the mistakes you made last time.

See? There’s not much difference in the effort required to start and run a small business over interning at a company. From a learning perspective they are the same except that they are on opposite ends of the continuum. Both put you at risk to learn something about yourself. What you want to be at risk to learn is entirely up to you.

If you plan on getting a job in Corporate America, there is (seriously) nothing wrong with that. In fact, I recommend that you still start a small business instead of interning. The reasoning behind this suggestion is rather simple: everyone you are competing with has been interning at or has been laid off from Corporate America. Think of how easy it will be to stand out from the bland crowd and get a job when you roll in with some hard-earned entrepreneurial experience.

If you want to create your own internship and want some tips for the next steps, feel free to check out my other article on {Branded}: Start Up in a Box.

The Price I Paid

A few months ago, I was asked to write about my reflections on the cost of a mistake I had made. It asked me to examine the financial, relational and psychological costs. Below are some excerpts from what I've written:



"To be honest, I haven't accounted for every little price or loss or cost. I work and study and live a productive life- to count every cost, to audit every expenditure in the framework that I have to repay for the worst night of my life is in itself a price I cannot afford to pay. Rather I take stock of my life before, after and onward from that night.




The fact is this: The notion that I have paid a price implies that an exchange has occurred.



Looking back, it's easy to say that I mortgaged my early 20's for a gamble that I lost. That I was overleveraged and the risk was too great to rebound from. But taking snap shots of my life now compared to my life then illustrates that the aforementioned costs have really been exchanged for a life of focus, of discipline, of realism. For I have been forced to deal with my demons, to eradicate my bad habits, and to clear out the cancer of insecurities that plagued my life. Friends lost weren't really friends at all. My situation became a litmus test for the shallowness of aquaintainces and proved the resolve that lies within the people that truly love me. The ones who stuck by me in during the dark winter nights and waited, beck and call, for news of every progressing detail.



I have aquired better time management skills, learned to be more punctual and make better decisions. I traded a life of pretentious arrogance and fashion labels for one of utility and legitmacy. A life of empty promises with no intentions of fulfillment, exchanged for the truth of a harsh but doable reality. Clear purpose and achievable steps to my goals replaced the ambiguity and fear of failure. Where remained a dark, cold emptiness -a looming, bottomless doom beneath my feet- has now been replaced by a solid foundation found only when one has reached rock bottom. I have recieved a stout re-training in the behaviors and tactics to lead a life not jeopardized by temporary pleasures.



I have gained new friends, born as a direct result of my mistake. Friendships that would never have been forged otherwise. People who barely knew me, coming to my aid at my lowest points. People who were willing to enter my life when I had nothing to offer and everything to take.



What price have I paid? $10,000? $20,000? $50,000? It doesn't really matter, for I have recieved my life. And though its not perfect, I am in less debt than before the events that transpired on November night. I have better quality friends. I have the love of my family. A promotion at work. And a humbleness that merely being a good steward of my life is repayment for the countless hours and money that others have spent to continually support me.



And finally, the realization of this inevitable truth: make good decisions. They are no more harder than the consequences of bad decisions. While the changes and progress made has not been for the reasons I hoped for, or paid in the form that I expected, I have certainly profited. For the time and money spent on this mistake and its subsequent consequences have been large, it is a small price to pay in exchange for the person I am becoming and the life I am beginning to live."



Challenge: How do you view the mistakes or problems that you've dealt with in your life? Were they situations to be merely survived or chances to clean house and start right? As I've tried to commnicate in my last blogs, your attitude is one thing that makes all the difference. Instead of hoping to survive the consequences of every negative event in your life, view these as part of the exchange to becoming a purer YOU. A you unshackled by the insecurities and fears that weigh you down and keep you from doing what makes you come alive. For it is then when you can truly make all the difference in your life and the lives of those around you.

The Road Not Taken

As this is the first official post of "All the Difference", I will be sharing my favorite poem, written by my favorite poet. The poem and the quoted commentary below it are referenced at the end of this post.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all he difference.
-Robert Frost (1874-1963)

"We must interpret his choice of a road as a symbol for any choice in life between alternatives that appear almost equally attractive but will result through the years in a large difference in the kind of experience one knows."

I have had a lot of choices in my life, and like Robert Frost there are times in which I could have traveled both roads at the same time. Sometimes I have been blessed with a choice in which one alternative is clearly better than the other. But what about the ones in which the alternatives are in relative equality? I think about what my life would be like had I never left Utah for California. Had I never returned to Utah from California. Had I never made the mistakes that I have. Had my mistakes been timed differently or made different mistakes altogether.

One of my favorite parts of this poem is that statement of how "way leads on to way". Often in my times of quiet, ususally on the night drive home or when I park in an area that overlooks the valley, I think about how I got to where I am. Which events lead to another that were critical in providing me with the cards I currently have in my hand. I certainly feel like I'm being guided along in the journey of my life. At times its a strong sense of direction, and complete helplessness during others.

But the difference has been the way that I approach my reaction to life's events. Do I let it teach me? Or just surrender to sadness and try to cast blame on others? I have been fortunate enough to have parents and other sources of influence in my life constantly instill a sense of "fight." I am of course, referring to the animalistic fight or flight approach to any event. I strongly believe and have witnessed in my life as well as others, the power of "fight" inherent in any individual.

Reaction is a matter of choice.

And it is one of the few things in life that make all the difference.

Most of my biggest victories have come at the end of a path that began during a moment of crisis, where my reaction would be the very thing that made all the difference... because the course of direction was mine alone to make.

I feel like I have fighting all my life and the mistakes that led to times of crisis in my life is when I decided to retreat from the issues at hand: those things that are crucial for me to master before I can move on to the next chapter of my life. Oddly enough, the failures and crisis -products of path commanded by a chose to run away- have eventually forced me to fight anyway.

This is not to be mistaken as some morbid approach to life, where you suffer and then you die. It's endurance-training. John Maxwell said in his book The Difference Maker that you can judge the strength and character of someone by witnessing how much strife one can take before they start to become unraveled. I feel that each time I choose to "fight", that decision becomes easier to make as problems (opportunities in disguise) present themselves.

As I close this post, I offer a challenge. For a challenge will be offered at the end of each post, something to carry with you into your daily tasks and duties. My challenge to you is this:

View every problem, every situation in which your decision requires you to choose one path among many as an opportunity. Rely on your strengths and talents to influence the outcome of your chosen path, even though you may not know where it leads. Take the road less traveled, opt for an opportunity to trully grow- to take a step (or two) closer to who you were designed to be. It will be uncomfortable. It will be uncertain. But adventures are not lived out in a snuggie or at the bottom of a bottle. They are lived out on the rocky paths less traveled by. Your decisions at the various tailheads of your life will make all the difference.


Arp & Johnson. Perrine's Sound and Sense. 10th Edition. 2002. United States of America. pg 88-89.