Don't Shoot the Messenger

I was reminded of an article I read in Harvard Business Review titled How to Handle Surprise Criticism. There's a lot of good advice in the article but the most poignant bits are:

1. Look beyond your feelings.
2. Look beyond their delivery.
3. Don't agree or disagree. Just collect data.

It was written about 6 months ago, the day before I shelved my first startup. I was in the thick of a new normal in my daily life experience: I receive a lot of surprise criticism - and I haven't historically been the best at taking it. However, in my quest to be an effective entrepreneur and executive, I've realized that the key is being coachable. Always.

I have found that this is a rare quality among managers and leaders since the autocratic, appeal-to-authority approach is the default mode for most people. I always thought that taking a stand, being vocal and challenging the conventional thought process was a form of strength. It's lionized in movies and NYT bestsellers. Yet I've realized that it takes quite a bit more strength to be cognitively flexible and emotionally mastered in the face of a critical onslaught... especially from someone with formal or institutional power.

For entrepreneurs that operate in the earliest stages of business discovery, you are confronted with a lot of passionate feedback about everything that you are doing wrong. People in general, are not emotionally mastered and they relate to their feelings, thoughts and perspectives as if it is the undeniable reality of what is happening (rather than coming from the perspective that they are just feelings and thoughts, separate from reality). When given the chance to make you wrong, most people will take it. Anyone who has been a server knows this. And I think it's mostly subconscious - most people would be disgusted with themselves if we showed a video of them ripping into someone without the power to defend themselves or dole out retribution.

But we don't have that luxury. What now?

Being able to take criticism as data collection by separating what's being said, how it's being said and the emotional undercurrent of the message connotes, to me, someone committed to mastering the art of living. Here's some recent examples in my life that reminded me of the value this skill will deliver:

* Hearing the faculty constantly create a new complaint about the coffee I deliver (for free) to them while I worked on my laptop in the lobby were it was served. No change was made to the coffee, yet the complaints would change every day. It's interesting hearing what people say about you when they don't think you are around. And over time I learned which ratio of grounds-to-water delivers the least amount of complaints.

*I watched, and loved, the TED Talk that General Stanley McChrsytal delivered on what he's learned in leadership. I've had a number of responses, ranging from inquisitive to cautionary, about McChrystal's questionability as a leader. Frankly, I don't care. Remember, it's about objective data collection - McChrystal gives a great speech AND he's got a questionable past. Sounds like every other human I know.

I learned about the literary fallacy of ad hominem when I got a C on one of my high school english papers. From that point, I opt to separate the message from the messenger. F. Scott Fitzgerald once said that holding two seemingly conflicting notions in your mind at the same time is a sign of marked intelligence.

You are free to discount someone based on the way they deliver the message or the fact that they made mistakes at some point in their life. As a result, you may just be missing out on a highly valuable (though poorly packaged) idea or perspective that could make a big difference in our life. You may also be signaling the upper bound of your ability to learn - a potential bottleneck if you want to significantly alter the trajectory of your life.

Leadership is Listening.

I taught a class last week. A class that I've been enrolled in for 13 weeks now.

The people I presented to know me (or about me) more than I know them and it's not fun being in a class with me. For a week they knew that I would be teaching a class on sales/hustling.

There were no adults, grades were already given out and there was nothing preventing them from not showing up. Half the class showed.

Given all the things they could be doing on a Wednesday night, I asked why they showed up to a class that was technically over. The answer amazed me.

They wanted to hear what I had to say.

They granted me 2 hours of their life. 2 hours they could have spent somewhere else doing something more interesting than witnessing me struggle to keep a lively dialogue going.

It was my first true leadership experience. I was their peer, I have no formal authority over their lives to make them doing anything, much less show up. I was overwhelmed with gratefulness.

But they showed up anyway and listened and participated. It was in that moment that I realized that leadership is the simply being granted the listening of the community you serve.

Think about it. Have you ever had a boss that has formal authority (a title) that everybody pretends to listen to but goes back to 'business-as-usual' once their back is turned? That is a leader who has lost the listening of the people he or she leads.

Ever known someone who has no control over anything material in your life and yet you would swallow your fear and show up to contribute to whatever that person needed you to?

That's leadership. It's a powerful feeling when you have it.

Powerful in that your gratefulness is only outweighed by your sense of responsibility.

And that weight is heavy.

The Man Behind the Myth

This is a funny email conversation that I had late last night with fellow Foundry brother, David Oldham, CEO of O-Codes.

Dave: Would be cool to have a Dropbox folder for resumes/bios where people who wanted to join a startup could post their background and skillset for teams to review and then follow up with the individual if it's a good fit.

Me: Noted. I'll talk to Matt and Rob about that possibility and see if we can get something done formally.

Dave: You are the man behind the myth.

Me: Ha ha, indeed. What is the myth?

Dave: The myth: that a brilliant, ambitious young entrepreneur wander the dimly lit, cubicled halls of the Foundry late at night scheming up the world's next great invention; and if you happen to see him, touch his North Face jacket sleeve and you too will be imbued with magical entrepreneurial powers.

***

The funny thing about this is that I was wearing the exact North Face jacket he was referring to when I read the email this morning.

Let it be known though, that the character I play in life: the ambitious young entrepreneur, is in fact a myth. I am not out to create a world-shifting invention for the sake of personal accolades and bragging rights at cocktail parties. In fact, I'm not out to create a world-shifting invention at all. I just like building things that I find fascinating.

I am just a guy, who likes tinkering with machines that look like entrepreneurial endeavors. The ambition is often misinterpreted as "nerd-fervor" for seeing things come together on a spreadsheet. And young is often misinterpreted as... well actually I am young so there's nothing to say about that. As far as the North Face jacket, it probably won't imbue magical entrepreneurial powers, but it will help protect you against the cold.

So feel free to engage with the man (boy). Because that's who I am.. with a few foibles and flaws. Just like every other human being.